dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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