your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
