i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
