Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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