A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I would ride that face into the sunset
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
