Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
They took my balls.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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