youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
