You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
