Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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