i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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