I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dignity is for republicans.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
