So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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