dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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