Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
