I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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