Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
