a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
