What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
