john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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