1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
