she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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