he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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