Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
