if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
