Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
