you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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