So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i already hear my dad disowning me
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
