We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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