so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
