she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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