How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
