And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
