found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
