After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
