Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
