Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
