You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
