I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
