i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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