Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
