I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
