Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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