He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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