come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
