Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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