On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
