OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We got so high we made milksteak
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
