I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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