I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
