11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
