I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
