So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think your dad took our porno
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
