Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
