3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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