You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
