Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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